It was October 13, 2019 and my UCLA Women’s Soccer team was preparing to play the
Utah Utes in Pac-12 play. I was a junior at the time and playing a big role for my team. I was hopeful that I would finish out this year on a high note and continue into my senior year before turning pro. In the third minute of the game, I turned to run with a player that was running by. This was a movement that I had done thousands of times before, but for some reason everything was about to change.
I immediately heard three pops in my left knee which sounded like a Snapple bottle first being opened. I had never had a serious injury before, but I knew right away that it was my ACL.
Two weeks later, my MRI indicated that I had torn my left ACL, lateral and medial meniscus and my MCL, and I knew that my season was over... for a long time. As many know, there is no quick fix for an ACL injury. I knew I was in for a long road ahead, but thankfully I had seen many professional athletes go through this before, and come back just as good or better than they were before. I started my ACL rehabilitation the day after surgery, which to this day was the hardest day of my life — trying to roll myself out of bed with my left knee locked straight, with all of the blood rushing to my knee. My knee was the size of a watermelon and the pain was insurmountable.
About two months into my ACL rehabilitation everything was going smoothly. The first steps after surgery is regaining your range of motion in the knee and getting the swelling out.
If I could move my knee a few centimeters more than the day before, it was a good day.
But as January began the world shut down for COVID-19. I was in critical parts of my recovery when UCLA was forced to close and the stay at home order was put in place for California. I went from doing my ACL rehab every single day in our athletic training facility, to nothing. I was forced to continue my ACL rehab in my living room through Facetimes with my Athletic Trainer, Amanda Pruden (Huge shoutout to her, I appreciate you!!) However I was now going to miss out on BFR or Blood Flow Restrictor (which was one of the main things helping me get my quad strength back), a gym, weights, an Athletic Trainer, and recovery items such as GameReady and Stem. These were all very critical to my rehabilitation, now taken away from me.
I hadn't realized how much this was going to affect me, until I was eventually allowed back to UCLA, and was told how behind I was from our head Physical Therapist. I was devastated. I had missed the game so much and wanted nothing more than to be out there with my teammates. I told myself I was never going to take my health for granted again. With my senior season being canceled because of COVID, I now had more time, but it didn't help me on the mental side of things. All I knew was that I missed everything about my sport and wanted to do everything I could to get back.
Through loads of pain, sadness, setbacks, and the inability to see the light at the end of the tunnel, 14 months later, I was cleared to return to my sport. Now, what are my biggest takeaways from my ACL rehabilitation you may ask? Here are the first two things that come to mind:
1. Every day habits are what make you.
Those 14 months were the longest months of my life and there were many times when I used the phrase “I just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.” This phrase could be used in many different areas of life. Whether its working on your weight, your job, or your finances, hard times always seem to last forever. When you have to chip away and work at something every single day knowing you aren’t going to see immediate results — that was one of the hardest lessons I learned. Many people will quit or give in when they don’t see immediate results.
But looking back now, this was an amazing lesson to learn. My ACL rehabilitation taught me the importance of your every day small habits. Whether your small habits are weak and inconsistent or strong and done right, they will both catch up to you. I take this lesson with me in my every day life, and I will stand by it forever. I truly believe its what allowed me to become a professional soccer player and come back stronger from my ACL injury.
The second lesson I learned was controlling and focusing on the controllables.
I had zero say on a major pandemic starting just months after my injury. I was forced to do squats and lunges in my hallway during critical times of my recovery which set me back almost 8 months overall.
But looking back, I know I controlled everything I could, which makes the pill always easier to swallow. With the help of family, boyfriend, friends, and Athletic Trainer, I know I got back exactly when I was supposed to. If I had spent any more time on the things I couldn’t control, I believe I would have been put back even further in my rehab.
With hindsight always 20/20, I am proud to have the 3 inch scar on my left knee over my patella tendon. Any soccer player or athlete can see that scar and know you have gone through it. I learned many valuable lessons throughout my ACL rehabilitation and anyone that has gone through it will know how difficult it is.
But when you think there isn’t a light at the end of the tunnel, there always is. And if you can’t see it, you have to continue to believe that it's there, you just can’t see it yet.
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